


Miles To Go Before I Sleep

by poppetawoppet



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M, Some angst, bad timing, mention of Kris/OMC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-11
Updated: 2009-12-11
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4677047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam discovers Kris has broken up with his <i>boyfriend</i> through an article in a magazine. He invites Kris to meet him in a cabin in the middle of nowhere to sort out their feelings</p><p>title from Robert Frost</p><p>originally posted 12/11/2009, for some reason the internet posted with today's date</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miles To Go Before I Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to [](http://pinkygoldfish.livejournal.com/profile)[**pinkygoldfish**](http://pinkygoldfish.livejournal.com/) and [](http://bubby-wubby.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://bubby-wubby.livejournal.com/)**bubby_wubby** for betaing

_From Us Weekly December 2013-_

_It seems_ American Idol's _Kris Allen has broken up with his now not-so-secret boyfriend. Apparently Allen, 27 and Gregory Koth,30 had been dating for four months in secrecy, but recent photos had outed the pair. They had been seen arguing in the last few weeks, and now it's official. Koth, when asked was quoted as saying "Look, Kris is a great guy. But he was honest. He couldn't commit to me when he had feelings for someone else."_

 _Who is this someone else? Man? Woman? No one knows. When asked, fellow_ American Idol _finalist Adam Lambert told_ Us Weekly _"No comment."_

_This is the latest in a series of breakups for Allen, divorced for almost two years…_

January 2014

Adam pulled out his phone again, checking for missed calls that weren't there. He paced the length of the cabin, his mind racing, the heels of his boots on the hardwoods floors echoing throughout the cabin. He wondered if Kris would come, if he had screwed things up again. He looked at his bags, desperate to unpack, anxious that if he did he would end up alone and wondering.

He dug in the smallest bag, and pulled out the snow globe he carried with him everywhere. He shook it idly, watching the white sparkles float over the angel inside. It was his good luck charm, his ward against evil, his everything. Anytime someone saw it they asked, but Adam couldn't really say what it meant to him.

It represented everything he wanted and could not have.

_February 12, 2010_

_"So I got you a present."_

_Adam turned. "A present?"_

_Kris shrugged, holding out a box. "Open it okay?"_

_Adam pulled out a snow globe, white glitter surrounding a crystal angel, her outline in the snow behind her._

_"I don't get it."_

_Kris grinned. "Well, the one thing I miss about home is making snow angels. It was cold and wet, but I remember lying on my back and thinking that it couldn't get any better than lying in the snow and then going inside for hot chocolate."_

_"Okay."_

_"Well," Kris blushed a little, "Now you have me with you all the time."_

_Adam stared at the snow globe, watching as the glass cleared. He cleared his throat, unsure of what to say. "But you're annoying as hell. Why would I want that?"_

_Kris smiled. "You know you'll miss me."_

Adam held the glass in his hand. Kris had been right. He had missed the sympathetic ear, the endless conversations about everything and nothing. He could have picked up the phone more often, but it wasn't the same.

He looked outside, watching as real snow fell, wondering how much the knick knack in his hand had influenced his decision to come here of all places. He was somewhere in Colorado. Washington. Maybe Wisconsin. Adam had simply called Kris with the address and the dates and hoped. He wanted to be friends again, anything again.

_December 2013_

_"So I have to find out from Us Weekly that not only are you dating men now, but you've broken up with your boyfriend?"Adam said, his voice accusing._

_Adam heard the sigh and wondered if maybe he'd gone too far._

_"Maybe I didn't want to talk about it," Kris replied, sounding defensive._

_"Kristopher Allen. I am your best friend. I should have been your first phone call. Now what is this about you having feelings for someone else? This I need to know about."_

_"I don't want to talk about it."_

_"Tough. If I have to come over and tickle it out of you I will."_

_"Please… don't." Kris's voice was strained._

_"What's really wrong Kris?"Adam prodded._

_"It's you," he whispered. "Always was. But you aren't interested anymore are you? I always was slow on the uptake."_

_Before Adam could answer there was a dial tone._

Adam had called him every day, just trying to help, to do what he could. He had called Kimberly Allen to try and get her help. She had shown up at his door, mothering him and looking at him speculatively. She had hugged him and told him Kris would come around when he needed to and not before. But it hurt.

It wasn't that Kris hadn't talked to him about it. That didn't matter so much. It was that Kris had dropped the information in Adam's lap then disappeared and left him to deal with it. And Adam didn't so well on that front.

It was hard to admit you were in love with your best friend. Adam was fairly sure it was recent. He had always loved Kris as a friend, that was certain, but somewhere in between albums and awards and tours it seemed they had both fallen and fallen hard. Adam wasn't sure of exactly when, but he could probably tell when it had begun.

_June 2011_

_"It was mutual."_

_Adam pulled Kris into a hug. "You ok?"_

_"Surprisingly yes, I am," the reply was muffled._

_"Liar."_

_Kris pulled back and smiled at Adam, tears in his eyes. "It's just hard to think of me without her. She was the one person who was always a part of me always, no matter what. I always carried her with me. It's just going to be lonely now."_

_"Wait a sec."_

_Adam walked to his bedroom, rummaging until he found just the right object. When he returned, Kris was staring at the shelves that contained two Grammys and a snow globe._

_"Here."_

_Kris turned, staring at the small figurine in Adam's hand._

_"It's a dragon."_

_Adam laughed. "Now you have something of me to carry around with you."_

_Kris looked up, his eyes large. He swallowed. "But you're annoying as hell," he said, his voice wavering. "Why would I want that?"_

Adam couldn't stand the heat in the cabin. It was as if the room had become smaller. He set the snow globe on the table. He walked to the door and opened it wide, breathing deep as the cold air hit him. He closed his eyes, relieved to feel something, even if it was slightly painful.

After all they had been through, if Kris stood him up, could they be friends?

Adam wasn't so sure. They had been moving to this moment from the very beginning, and it would break him. It would break them both. He listened to the wind, wondering what he would do without the constancy of Kris in his life. The music was better with him. Everything was better with him.

Adam imagined himself picking up the delicate glass of the globe, throwing it against the wall, relishing the sound as it broke into the pieces of himself. He would laugh and laugh as the glitter faded from the wall, until there was nothing left of it except a dim memory of something bright in his life.

Adam found himself in front of the fire, snow blowing through the door, his fist around the globe. He took a short breath, placing it on the table again. There was still time yet.

_January 1, 2014_

_"This is Kris. I'm not available. Leave a message."_

_Adam bit his lip, and nodded to himself. "I know you are probably tired of hearing my voice. But if you picked up once in awhile I wouldn't have to tell you this over the phone. If you think I'm not interested you have to be delusional. Seriously Kristopher, you are the one person in my life who means everything to me." Adam paused, his last words a whisper. "And more."_

_Adam shuffled the paper in his hand, naming the address of where he was going. "I'll be there in two weeks. I know that's not a lot of time, but I've heard your schedule is pretty open. If you aren't there, I can understand. But I hope you are. For both of us."_

Adam had seen snow before. It wasn't anything new. But it was falling in large clumps, as if they were tandem divers trying to create patterns in the sky. He stepped onto the porch, rubbing his arms as he watched the silent procession of white.

It wasn't too cold, but the air seemed to seep into his lungs, and it was painful to breathe. Adam looked at his watch. It was almost dark now, and the chances of Kris making it in the dark were almost zero.

Had he hoped too much? Adam wasn't sure. He stepped out onto the drive, drawing a random pattern in the snow piled on his car. He turned his face upward, catching the flakes on his tongue and cheeks. He smiled a little, remembering the one time he had told Neil that it was angel dandruff and laughing as Neil decided never to eat snow again.

Adam was starting to get cold, but he wandered onto the front lawn, kicking snow as he went. It was like the Christmas cards he saw on shelves: a cabin, smoke puffing up from the chimney, snow falling gently. Except there was no one waiting for him inside, if ever.

Adam let out a deep breath and shrugged. He was already wet, so he decided to do something new. He leaned back, and grunted as his body hit the snow. He resisted the urge to jump as the cold hit him in several places. He spread his arms and legs, muscles burning as he pushed the snow away.

He laid there, spread eagled, closing his eyes as the snow feathered kisses on his face. _I could just stay here. I wonder if anyone would notice._

He felt the wet seeping through his sweater, knowing he should get up. But lying here was peaceful, and the only pain he felt was from the cold in his hair as opposed to the crack in his heart. He closed his eyes again, mentally willing himself to get back inside. But it felt just fine to lay there.

It wasn't until he saw the dusting of snow over himself that Adam began to panic a little. He shook his head, grappling with his own semi-frozen limbs. He limped towards the porch, looking back slowly, seeing the ruined snow angel. _If ever there was a symbol of my life._

He leaned against his car, trying to brush life back into his face, calling himself stupid and wondering why he had ever come out here in the first place. His feet hit the front tire of his car, and he went flying. Everything went black.

_His eyes flutter and he sees the fireplace again. Someone is calling his name, but it is remote._

_Something warm presses against his face, again and again, abrasive and heated, replacing the cold prints of snow with heat. He feels hands working at his buttons, and a voice is telling him something about frostbite and worry and calling his name desperately._

_The warmth is against his forehead and the last thing Adam sees before he goes under again is brown and warm and very familiar._

Adam woke up in a bed. It was still dark out, still snowing. He looked around the room, eyeing the dark form sitting by the door. He tried to move his arm, and found himself swaddled in a blanket. He realized he had somehow made it into his pajamas and a shower at some point, and mentally thanked whatever traveler had found him.

Adam's head was throbbing a little from where he hit it, and he wondered if he had bruised it terribly.

"Umm," Adam started to speak, but his voice was hoarse. He cleared it "Is there any way I could be released to get a drink of water?"

The figure moved into the light, gently folding back the blanket and handing him a glass. Adam sat up slowly, and stared.

"Kris?" Adam whispered.

"Who else would it be?" Kris asked, his face unreadable.

"I didn't think you would come." Adam set the glass down. "I thought—"

Kris stared. "You didn't think I would come? Are you kidding me?"

Adam licked his lips. "It was getting late. And you didn't call. And I got to thinking maybe you changed your mind."

"Changed my--?" Kris sat on the bed, his hand brushing Adam's cheek. "I could never."

It was then Adam realized it was _Kris_. Kris who had undressed him and redressed him, who had kept kissing his face…

"Adam, are you blushing?" Kris asked, a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Maybe."

Kris laughed. "Don't worry. I didn't take advantage of you. I should have, as hard as it was to move you."

"Thank you."

Kris shook his head. "No. I should have been here earlier. I just… I was afraid it was going to be another disappointment. Maybe if I—"

"Kris." Adam interrupted, took Kris's hand, and kissed it. "Just stop. Let's just both stop.."

"Okay," Kris whispered. "Then… what now?"

Adam pulled him forward, wincing as Kris's forehead hit the knot in his temple. The angle was all wrong, and Kris's lips were closer to his nose than anything else, but Adam leaned his head back, pulling Kris's mouth to his own. Kris leaned in, one hand balanced on the bed.

"Um," Kris said as Adam pulled away. "Okay."

Adam saw the tears in his eyes. "Kris?"

Kris sat on the bed, looking away. "I missed my connecting flight. I had to beg two fans to get on the next one and may have accidentally revealed who I was coming to see. Then I found you lying on the porch with your head split open and covered in snow."

Kris turned, his eyes wet. "I thought I'd lost you. I thought I was too late. Like I always seemed to be. I thought—"

Adam reached out, pulling Kris to him and holding him close. "Shhh. I'm here. You're here."

After Kris calmed, Adam kicked off the sheet and blanket, covering Kris as he tucked himself beside Adam. Kris kissed him again, this time on the corner of his mouth, laying his head on Adam's shoulder. Adam tightened his arm briefly, brushing his lips over the top of Kris's head. He sighed and closed his eyes.

*

_From Us Weekly January 2014-_

_Idols secret getaway? Both Kris Allen and Adam Lambert of_ American Idol _have dropped off the radar for the last week, leaving some to speculate that the longtime friends are on a secret getaway. When asked fellow_ Idol _contestant Lil Rounds was quoted "I don't think that's anybody's business but theirs. And if they are, well then good for them. At least they are happy."_

Allen recently broke up with a long time boyfriend last month, citing "feelings for someone else"…

Adam stood at the window, staring at the two lumps that used to be cars in the drive. One foot three inches total snowfall. It had stopped snowing two days ago, and not too far from the buried cars were the imprints of two snow angels, although Kris had insisted on adding two small horns to Adam's. Adam had responded by stuffing snow down Kris's collar, resulting in both of them stripping in front of the fireplace, Kris arching on the floor as Adam…

Adam sipped his tea, his face warm. He was never embarrassed, but the last week had certainly been intense. Kris had consistently surprised him, and this week was no exception.

"Adam."

Adam turned. Kris had just hung up the phone, assuring his publicist that he was alive and no he didn't care what people were saying. Kris walked up to him, taking Adam's free hand, laying his mouth on Adam's palm, his eyes never leaving Adam's.

Adam set his cup down, never breaking contact. He pulled Kris close. "What do we do now?"

Kris leaned in, pulling Adam's head forward. Adam closed his eyes, feeling pressure against each lid as Kris kissed them.

"I don't know. But as long as you're there it doesn't matter."

Adam nodded and let Kris lead him out of the room. If he looked back, he would see a couch and two chairs, a table with a teacup, a fireplace, its mantle empty except for an angel and a dragon, who had traveled so far to be right where they belonged. 


End file.
